When I was a young boy, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind as to what I’d be when I grew up: an astronaut. So why am I an engineer? And what’s that have to do with you?
Early Developments
My favorite early memories involved parking around the TV with my family to watch the newest episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. The exploration, the political strategy, the cool space battles, and the gorgeous starships hit all the right buttons for first grade me. We were religious Trekkies; my Dad owned the entire original series on VHS, and we had all the movies to that point in our cabinet. I thought Star Wars was “okay,” but the Trek world was the one I wanted to live in. At one point, I recall making about thirty different paper airplanes, and giving them names and registration numbers from ST. I had an obsession.
My passion for space grew as I caught other flicks from that era: The Last Starfighter, Space Camp, Dune, ET, and yes, even Buckaroo Banzai. It was reinforced in elementary school in several ways. In the 2nd grade, NASA brought vans out with transmission equipment so that we could all watch the shuttle launch. It blew my eight year old brain to smithereens, the crackling sounds, the fury, the size of the thing…incredible! (I still get a kick out of launches and watch them whenever I can.) In the 6th grade, my Gifted & Talented group participated in a project to design a the sewer system for a mission to Mars, where we competed against other schools.
Look at these sexy MFers. (Buckaroo Bonzai, courtesy of Gizmodo)
My parents did everything they could to keep me marching down that path. They took me to the Franklin Institute in Philly regularly. At one point, it had an incredible ST exhibit with early voice recognition and touchscreen systems. The experience was just like being on the Enterprise, and I went bananas! They signed me up for classes there in robotics, space station construction, and holograms. I was on course for my uniform and collar pips.
Along the way, mother nature started wreaking havoc with my plans. In the fourth grade, my parents discovered I was having trouble seeing the board from the back of the classroom. Soon after, there’s a big, bulky pair of glasses on my face. Fantastic.
That wasn’t even the final nail in the coffin. I would get gassed when running around on the soccer field, and I had serious trouble breathing while sick. The doctors quickly diagnosed my symptoms: I had exercise & illness induced asthma.
I had seen The Right Stuff — to be an astronaut, you had to be in the best health — and that meant I was screwed.
The Middle Era
After that blow, my interests ran off towards music. I became a decent saxophone player, learned some guitar and piano. I got into drums and I developed the terrible habit of tapping on everything, everywhere. In high school, this pushed me towards the marching band, and later drum corps. These things became my entire life. My friends were musicians, and all my romances were in the band/corps.
As high school came to a close and I needed to choose a path, I was presented with the problem of divided talents. I had received scholarships for engineering and science, but I was also pretty darned good at drums. But marching drums isn’t exactly a lucrative field, I wasn’t very good at drum set (yay rock star), and I didn’t really care to teach music. So, I went away to be an engineer…and failed miserably.
After my initial attempt at college, I took stabs at being:
- Mechanic
- Surveyor
- Civil Engineer
- Rock ‘n Roll Drummer
- Race Car Driver
None of these stuck. I needed a plan.
The Plan to End All Plans
In June 2010, while I was cleaning up my GPA at the local community college, I made a little timeline for my future. I don’t have the complete timeline, but I have the high level notes from my journal. At the time, it looked like this:
- Get my BS in Mechanical Engineering at UNCC
- Earn my MS or PhD in Aero/Astro at NC State, Maryland, or UF
- Work at Langley/Boeing/Lockheed for Aero experience
- Move to a more cutting edge company, like SpaceX, TSC, or NASA
- Start my own company
Seems like a pretty reasonable plan for a 29-year old, eh? I thought so, too. While this isn’t how things have played out (I got my BS/MS at UNCC, and I now work in Garmin’s aviation department), it’s not too concerning. The important part is that I had a goal that I directed myself toward, and I achieved something incredibly useful and important. The fact that the course turned and twisted is simply life.
After a few months at Garmin, things started falling into place. I had felt considerable guilt about not contributing to society fully with my skills, so I immediately started feeling more comfortable in my own skin with that burden lifted. I could even afford to buy things that I desired! I nabbed some quality guitars and nicely outfitted my apartment. I bought a sporty new car. But something was missing…
A host of things were missing.
“What Do You Want For Yourself?”
The above quote is from the film The Last Samurai. There is a scene where Tom Cruise (a prisoner) asks Ken Watanabe (his captor, a samurai), “What do you want from me?” and Watanabe replies with the heading above. This has stuck with me for a long time, as I adore that movie. There is a point in a man’s life where he must decide which pieces he will add to make up his life.
This topic became deeply frustrating for me.
There is a motivational speaker that I freakin’ love, Eric Thomas, the Hip-Hop Preacher. He gets me fired up. He’s exciting and moving, and spreads the right messages about integrity and responsibility. One place he is lacking, I believe, is in describing how to find your personal mission. His mission came somewhat built in, as he had a family and wanted to provide for them and become successful to support them the best that he could.
I don’t have a family of my own, my parents don’t need me to take care of them, and I have the frustration (poor me) of having several things that I’m talented at. I could throw myself into any of them and likely become successful. Do I continue as an engineer? Should I spin off and start something new? Should I form another rock band and become a crazy awesome guitarist?
Eric Thomas, PhD is the MAN.
With no obvious external answer, I turned inward. I meditated for a long time, and thought about the moments in my life that brought me true joy. Unsurprisingly, they all revolved around family and friends, and many moments with children stood out as bright spots in the timeline of my life. I love being around kids, and I discovered that I want my own big family. Out here in Kansas, I am relatively far away from all my dearest pals from NJ and NC, I have no fulfilling relationships, and I have no children of my own. Two holes to fill. Also in this same meditation, it became obvious to me that something else was deeply lacking, and that was spirituality & accountability to a higher power.
These were enormous empty spaces in my life. They had simply been overshadowed while I caught up in the rest of my life. But in the comfort and quiet of my empty apartment, the alarms had grown loud enough that they could no longer be ignored. My mission, and the course of my life, needed to sway from education and work into something completely different. While many can find their ‘why’ through their family…my ‘why’ was that I needed a family.
I immediately set out to define the scope of the problem as best I could. I enlisted my old friends Stephen Covey, Jack Donovan, David Deangelo, Steve Pavlina, and Zig Ziglar. I set out to fill four gaping needs:
- Finding a higher power to cast my desires, failings, and gratitude toward, so that I may become a great human being
- Finding a valued companion and forging a robust relationship, so that I may become a great husband
- After 2, starting a family as soon as possible, so that I may become a great father
- Improving my health for the future and for my future family, so that I may endure as long as necessary.
These each require planning and dedication to handle properly. I plan on going more deeply into #2 & #3 in separate posts, but #1 is described in the spirituality post above, and #4 is covered here.
Who Cares?
Why should you, random internet user, give one single crap about any of this?
There are many people out there that simply have no idea what they want or how to act. There is likely a greater number that have never asked themselves those questions. So, if you find yourself in a place where you don’t feel fulfilled and are unsure of which path to take, follow these breadcrumbs:
- Actually ask yourself what you want. This seems like a rather bizarre and obvious statement, no? Think about this: why is it that sometimes you don’t immediately know the answer to something, but if you ask yourself, the answer pops up? We have very complicated psyches with many layers of distraction and obfuscation. Spend the time to relax, meditate, and ask yourself what might be missing. I guarantee you that responses will rise up from the depths of your mind. Sometimes dwelling on your favorite memories can bring up those things, as they did for me with children.
- As a follow up to the ‘what,’ ask yourself why you want these things. What will your life be like 5 years down the road if they are part of your life? What will your life be like in 5 years if they are not?
- Consider balance. This is a big part of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits books, which I recommend reading of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People for everyone. You may find yourself over-weighted in work, or in taking care of family. Look to the sides of education or spirituality to be more complete inside, and vice-versa. If you pray and read all day, but nothing productive is done, you may want to look that direction for rounding yourself out.
- Try something new. This is a bit cliche, but it is for good reason. Sometimes, simply trying something outside your comfort zone can activate circuits in your brain that have been dormant. This can be as simple as going to a place you’ve never been, or as complicated as taking up a hobby you have interest in. It is amazing what small details can awaken desires in us.
Obviously, this is nowhere near a thorough or complete guide to mission development or goal setting, as I’m no expert. But this group of experiments worked for me, when most guides for mission discovery didn’t. Maybe this is just what you need to read today?
Emperors or Fools 